April 22, 2012
This blog is being archived. Ask box me if you want the new URL

August 22, 2011
6.5 months on T

I haven’t done one of hear in a while but I thought it might help people to hear where I’m at at this length of time on t. A lot of people who intend to stop T stop after 6-12 months, not that I intend to, but hearing this might help people get a sense of where that could take them to in terms of changes. Obviously though, your mileage nay vary.

I started on half a tube of testim per day, which was 25mg of T in the gel in the tube. At about 4 months that was upped to a whole tube per day. My levels were in the male range but on the low end and I wanted them to be a bit higher. Since upping my dose I’ve felt a lot more stable somehow, and where before my T levels somehow FELT low, they feel right now.

I haven’t noticed much in the way of facial hair changes, which is a bit frustrating. I’m hoping that I’ll have something by a year on T but am aware that my brother is 17 and barely needs to shave so I’ve a way to go yet. It is getting raspier, but even a weeks growth doesn’t show much yet. I think my sideburns will cone in first though, which is a shame because I want a goatee rather.

The rest of my body is getting hairier, my lower legs are pretty good now, my thighs are getting there, ditto my snail trail. The two places i really want hair are my arms and chest, but my brother doesn’t even have a snail trail, so I’m not holding out much hope. I’d wanted to have hair to cover top surgery scars but that doesn’t look likely to happen. If I get my arm scars a little more covered I’ll be happy though. My armpit hair has grown a lot. I’m away with my parents by the sea, so hopefully will get to see how much torso hair my father has.

I’m definitely getting more muscles, but I’ve also gained ten pounds since starting T. I’ve now got a bet on with my family regarding losing thirty pounds by Christmas, which can be done at a safe and healthy speed. My eventual goal is 120, and I’m 160 now. I’m hoping that as I lose this weight my muscles will become more visible and defined, I’d like to end up with the vague idea of abs, and decent arms. My legs suck anyway so I don’t expect much from them! I’ve heard guys say that gaining and losing weight are both easier on T. I hope so. To give an idea of what I’m eating, yesterday I had a glass of apple juice, a punnet of strawberries, two slices of bread worth of ham sandwich, a plate of pasta with vegetables, a third of a raw cabbage, and several glasses of water. I’m hoping if I can keep this up that I’ll be at 120lbs by one year on T, which will make top surgery easier, because, in my opinion, the results look more male on slim muscled guys, and I want the best results possible.

I tend to have one or two spots on my face at any time, but that’s all and trust me, I’m fine with that as a price for starting T! I used to have really bad eczema and that’s a lot better too.

My libido feels like it’s about average male, which I’m happy enough with.

I wasn’t in track with myself enough really to know if my appetite has grown

My cock hasn’t grown much since two or three months on T, and remains sadly small.

My voice is now a solid baritone, my singing has improved, and I’m really happy. It no longer cracks when I speak, but hasn’t fully settled yet either.

August 22, 2011

This is my voice at 6… No, 6.5 months on T. I’m pretty firmly a baritone now and I can’t remember the last time I failed to pass as male, both in person and over the phone. It’s hard to get used to, I still hear it in my head as resoundingly female, especially when I sing, but I’m sure that’ll catch up over time. I hope so anyway.

May 10, 2011

Voice, 97 days on T

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Filed under: daylog week13 month4 voice 
May 10, 2011
97 Days on T

Less safe for work below cut - lots of hips

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Filed under: daylog week13 month4 
April 16, 2011

Voice Day 73

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Filed under: voice 
April 16, 2011
73 days on T

73 days on T

14 days on T

73 days on T

14 days on T

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Filed under: photo face comparison 
April 11, 2011

69 days on T O_o

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Filed under: week9 month3 voice 
April 10, 2011

Anonymous said: why is trans put as a sexuality on queer youth network?

I have no idea, I’ve raised this query before with the trustees, and I’m still not sure why they haven’t changed it.

April 8, 2011
How I got on T

I thought this might be useful for other guys going through the UK transition process. I went through Charing Cross Gender Identity Clinic.

February 2007 - 15 - Came out to self as genderqueerish, progressed to a more binary and transition focussed identity over time.

July 2007 - 15 - Moved house

September 2007 - 16 - Cut hair short, let it grow out again

February 2008 - 16 - Was under the care of CAMHS already, came out to them as genderqueerish

April 2008 - 16 - Came out to them as binary male

July 2008 - 16 - Came out to parents as male / questioning. Started going to a LGBT youth group

September 2008 -17 - Was mostly out at college, going by masculine nickname, but not officially

October 2008 - 17 - Cut hair short again

Jan 2009 - 17 - Reminded parents, who had essentially let it slide from their heads. Started dating boyfriend. Quit self-harm.

April 2009 - 17 - Started pushing CAMHS for a referral to CHX, as I’d heard they accepted referrals a few months before 18th birthday

August 2009 - 18 - Turned 18

September 2009 - 18 - Went officially full time at college, was binding constantly

November 2009 - 18 - CAMHS finally wrote and sent off my referral to CHX

Jan 2010 - 18 - Funding for CHX was approved

September 2010 - 19 - Changed name, went stealth at university

September 2010 - 19 - Had first appointment at CHX. Was positive, despite my colourful mental health history (including several sections, one a six month section, and eighteen consecutive months in psychiatric care). I had a letter from college saying I’d been full time for a year, and had changed my name and was living stealth. The first Dr (Lenihan) gave conditional approval for T and sent me for blood tests.

Jan 2011 - 19 - Saw second Dr at CHX who gave full approval for T, but my testosterone levels were high so I had to see the endo. Another good appointment, this time Dr Ahmad, had to ask difficult questions about my history of sexual abuse but was largely positive.

Jan 2011 - 19 - Saw Dr Seal, brought along another copy of blood tests in which my T levels were normal. As I had no obvious PCOS symptoms he okayed me starting T

2nd Feb 2011 - 19 - Started T

March 31, 2011
Two months on T (2.5g testim/day)

Layout ideas stolen from Avery

Physical changes:

Facial hair - I shaved this morning with a pretty sharp razor and have what feels like stubble already. You can also notice the fine hair on my face where the razor missed (and how the hell do you shave that awkward bit on your upper lip). I’m planning to shave regularly for the next couple of months and then start growing it when there’s something to grow.

Body hair - I practically defined hairless pre-T. My lower legs are pretty hairy now, and getting there around the back. I’m covered in far more fine hair and it’s darkening. My snail trail is visible in the mirror now. I think my legs look okay for a lad my age. My arm hair has darkened a lot, I’m hoping it’ll thicken more as well and hide my scars a little.

Muscle definition - It takes almost nothing for my muscles to appear a bit more defined, especially on my arms. I’ve been doing regular situps and pressups for a few days, and it’s starting to show. When I started out I couldn’t do ten knee based pressups in a row, and now I can do twenty non-stop. After writing this post I’m gonna try and do 5 full pressups, rest, 5 knee, rest, 5 full, rest, 5 knee, rest. I do 20 pressups and 20 situps every morning and evening that I have the spoons. I’ve lost some weight since starting T, without watching my diet, and have put on quite a bit of muscle. My shoulders are broader, according to my partner, making my hips less noticeable.

Spots - I’ve had one or two spots but nothing abnormal as yet.

Libido - It’s settled a lot since one month on T, it’s more than it used to be but I’m getting used to it and to new ways of jerking off that take my cock into account.

Hunger - I’ve not really noticed an increase in hunger at all

Cock growth - It gets pretty hard and has grown a lot. I very much enjoy using it to jerk off now that I can.

Voice - My voice is cracking and breaking in earnest now, as you’re starting to be able to hear in the recordings I’m trying to post quasi-regularly. I’m really happy about this, it was the change I was most nervous about in many ways, because it felt like the least reversible, but in actuality it’s working out pretty well for me.

Period - I had one when starting T, and haven’t had one since. I’m really glad because I’d heard a lot of guys had theirs continue on gel, and I really didn’t want that, so I’m thrilled.

Emotional changes:

Aggression - I’ve not really been getting aggressive, but I have been getting angry, which to me is very different. I’m trying to work through some pretty heavy anger issues though, so I’m okay with being angry for a while, I understand it.

Crying - I’ve not really noticed much difference in this, I cry slightly less maybe but not especially. I’m glad about that because I do find that it’s a good release.

Mood swings - Swings? Darling they’re rollercoasters. Nonetheless, I’m accepting of that, they’re certainly nothing new!

Passing:

I’ve very rarely failed at passing. People read me as a bloke, and treat me that way, and assume girls I’m with are my girlfriends, and such. At the hospital today I had to take my binder off, and the nurse’s eyes fell out on stalks. I’m really pleased with how much better I’ve passed. My hairline’s changed slightly and my face has thinned, both of which are probably contributing.

I’m still on the same dose of 2.5g testim per day - 25mg testosterone

Other comments:

Changes to dosage - I’ve just had my bloods done, and will find out my levels and if they need to be upped next week. I feel like they do. I know that sounds odd, but I feel like my dose is a bit low in myself. They won’t be upped til the end of May even if they need it though.

Sustanon vs Nebido and T-gel - I feel like my changes have proceeded at a good pace, and I’m really happy with them. I can’t take sustanon or nebido due to a peanut allergy and a high chance of castor allergy, so yeah, I have no complaints.

Family - I’ve come out to my granddad, which went really well. My parents know I’m on hormones.

Body image - I feel so much more confident. My trangst has moved to my hips, the rest I can cope with at the moment, but overall I’m so much happier with my body now.

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Filed under: daylog week8 month2 
March 31, 2011

Two months on T

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Filed under: voice week8 month2 
March 27, 2011

53 days on T

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Filed under: week8 month2 photo hips 
March 25, 2011
Pumping

I’ve been pumping for about a week, on and off, not very religiously, it must be said. I made my own pump. I bought this 20ml syringe, and I had some tubing (for the guys I need to send tubing and spoons to, I haven’t forgotten, don’t worry). I cut the tip off the syringe, so that it had an open hole the size of the body of the syringe, and filed it smooth. I then cut maybe 4cm of tubing, and put 2cm of that over the body of the syringe, with the other 2cm dangling off the end. I then pushed that inside, so that the tubing covered the tip of the syringe.

The rest of this is NSFW and involves descriptions of pumping and pictures of cock.

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Filed under: week7 month2 cock photo pumping nsfw 
March 23, 2011

myfaceismogadon said: I've been looking for something like that! [Evidently not particularly well]
I'm fine with injections so probably will be sustanon.

I think I just knew it existed.

If you’re thinking of sustanon I recommend http://averystransition.tumblr.com - he started T at the same time as me but on sustanon